“Caring for my mother has sent me on a roller-coaster, I have only just learnt how to balance my health and hers. I hope these tips can help others like me not to struggle alone.”
Megan Walker, 21, has been caring for her physically disabled mother, Dianne, in Sheffield since she was 14. Dianne, 46, was paralysed from the waist down after a car crash in 2013, which also killed Megan’s father. So Megan was left to care for her mother. Dianne’s father comes round to help when he can, however he is not able to do any physical work such as helping her in and out of bed or dressing Dianne.
After 7 years of caring, Megan, who is currently employed as a lifeguard, has some advice for other Young Carers that may be in need of some help.
1.Set personal goals for yourself to keep you motivated. “This first tip I believe to be one of the most important. This really helped me to get my life in order. I set personal goals during my education, it was simple things such as, get this homework out of the way, meet this target for my GCSE’S. Then I moved onto bigger things such as getting a job, it kept me hopeful.”
2. Never be afraid to talk to someone if you are struggling with your emotions. “I went through a particularly hard time in year 11. I was struggling to figure out what I was going to do after school. I began to constantly feel down and panicked, all of my friends knew what they wanted to do but I didn’t. Knowing that I had to take my mum into consideration. I eventually went to a teacher and I found that they were willing to help me out with whatever I needed. They gave me advice on part-time jobs, or even just going to sixth form which I never considered. Talking to someone can really put your mind at ease.”
3. Get yourself a hobby. “When people think of hobbies, they think of something physical or something that requires you to leave the house, such as football or running, but there are other alternatives. I took up crocheting, which meant I could occupy myself and still be at home to look after my mum. It gave me something to look forward to at home and it was very inexpensive.”
4. Do not shy away from help you can receive from other organisations. “It may seem scary to go to someone that you don’t know for help, but it helped me out in so many ways. There are so many options available for young carers that no one told me about. If you are over 16 you can apply for a grant of £300 to help you out with financial issues or just to treat yourself. The Children’s Society in particular helped me the most. They provide online live chat rooms from 10am-4pm, Monday to Friday and are there to guide you with whatever help you need. They made me feel so comfortable and helped me to understand what help I could receive from them and other places.” Sheffield Young Carers has set up a grant that is funded by Sheffield City Council, you can see if you are eligible for this here.
5. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. “At first I was embarrassed to tell my friends why I couldn’t come out and play or see that movie. I was worried they would laugh or not want to be friends with someone who had to skip things to look after her mummy. Once I finally told them, they were supportive, one of my friends mum even began to cook meals for us to heat up as a way to help. As a young carer you do more than most people your age, and that is brave not embarrassing. Embrace it.”
6. Go to a Young Carers Group. “This is related to talking to someone for help, except you can also make friends out of it. Everyone who attends these groups is going through a similar thing. It gives a strong sense of community and is a great way to listen to other children’s stories. I made a friend at a group and we talk all the time, it can really help talking to someone that understands exactly what is happening. I would highly recommend attending one in your area.” You can find your local young carers project on The Children’s Society website here. You can find out on their website or via email what projects or meetings are happening for you to join.
7. Try to make time for your friends. “As I was looking after my mum, I began to lose track of my friends, I didn’t go with them when they went out and it became a habit. After she got better, she was still okay mentally and could use her arms, so it was okay for me to leave her for a while. It took a while to get used to being with my friends, so many memories and jokes I missed out on. So if you can I would recommend trying at least once a week to see your friends.”
8. Take time for yourself. “Sometimes it was just nice to be by myself for a while. No one should feel guilty about wanting to spend time doing something you want, whether that’s reading a book outside or just sitting in your room relaxing. I personally liked to just sit and read in my room, it gave me a little bit of freedom and gives you the time to rest.
9. Take part in a form of activity. “When I first starting caring for my mum, I was drained constantly. I cut out doing any form of activity except looking after her and I know my health suffered for it. I would highly recommend doing something active everyday to keep yourself going. Even if it’s just a walk it helps to keep you healthy and it gives you an extra break from your caring role.”
10. Don’t give up. “I think that this is a good last tip to give people. Sometimes being a young carer challenges you in so many different ways. I know there was a period for me where I woke up and I couldn’t be bothered and I was tired, but it does get better. You just have to get through.”
Young Carers Community 